My dearest friend Y asked me what I think is an enduring question, a question probably passed down through out the ages of yore and that is: "how did you get to be so perfect?"
Before I continue, let me just say that I would
love to ask this question to many a mind, like Walt Whitman, for example. And you know what? I'm sure he'd just laugh at me and say, "dear one, perfection, perhaps, lies in wakefulness." That's what he says in my mind, at least.
Let me backtrack 6 years ago to the day I met the family of my dearest friend A. I was more or less interrogated but
in a wildly enthusiastic fashion that I could only come to love deeply. A's father asked me standard questions like 'what's your father's name?' 'what does he do?' Brothers and sisters gathered around and pulled up chairs to hear how I was doing. The whole scenario was so wonderful and bizarre that I enjoyed every minutia of it.
'how old are you?'
'22'
Then A's father asked me what my strengths were. At the time I was a very confident little shit so I said my thing. Then he asked what my weaknesses were..and truthfully I told him I didn't have any. If you
can believe it. Then almost like a habit of his, he leaned in and looked me stern in the face and said 'before you go to bed each night you must say aloud one strength and one weakness--that's how you will grow.'
Simply speaking, there's nothing more perfect than a humble human being. Needless to say, I've taken his fatherly advice to heart and have done my best to resolve my weaknesses (after, of course, being open to fact that I had any), sometimes being compassionate with them, and sometimes fighting the hard fight--especially when they turn into mighty
little demons. I'm talking about constantly needing for plenty of attention and nurturing, waking up completely paralyzed with fear of the unknown and facing cold hard facts, like some if not most people will not reciprocate my love for them and that that has to be ok somehow. ughhcringetearsigh.
Yet, I can confidently say one of my strengths is the ability to look up at the ceiling after a day of chasing perfect and quietly say to
myself "I still love you".
(deep breath), and then goodnight!
